What could have Been
by Always Your Flower
Summary: When Severus says the worst thing possible, he can't take it back. But he knows if Lily would only give him the chance he could prove to her. If she only gave him a chance, then they might have a chance at a future.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the characters**

**A/N: This is the first Severus/Lily fic I've ever written, and I'm not sure how it came out to be honest. I appreciate reviews, and may write others if I receive some feedback on this to know if I've written them to anyone's satisfaction. Thanks, and enjoy!**

Severus looked at the beautiful red head in front of him. They'd been friends since before Hogwarts, and he couldn't believe that they were already in their fifth year. He couldn't deny that Lily grew lovelier with each passing year, but he had always seen her beauty, since the first day he met her. He could never forget—even then he knew she was special—the way her red hair flowed down her back to her waist. Her nose was sprinkled with a few freckles, but it was her eyes that first captivated him. Her beautiful emerald eyes never changed. They were always there, seeking him out, comforting him, bickering with him, caring for him.

They spent the entire summer before Hogwarts under the shade of the trees making flowers fly, and bloom. Lily always had a way of making the things around them beautiful. When she asked him if it mattered that her family wasn't magic, he didn't know what to say, but as he sat there staring into her eyes, he couldn't hide from the truth that it didn't matter, at least not in her case.

When they started Hogwarts, Severus felt his stomach turn at the thought of being separated from Lily. When she was sorted into Gryffindor he contemplated whether or not he could possibly be sorted into the house with her, but knew better. There was no way he had a hint of Gryffindor in him. He wasn't brave. So he took his sorting, and felt a twinge of hope when Lily smiled at him across the room.

In their fourth year, boys noticed her, one boy in particular. James Potter was the bane of Severus' existence, and he didn't try to hide it from Lily. She agreed with him, but didn't like to talk about it.

"What do you want me to do, Sev? They are my housemates after all." She was rushing toward Potions in the dungeons, one of the classes they had together with an armful of books. Just as he was about to offer to carry her books, James Potter popped up seemingly out of no where, and grabbed her books. He smiled at Lily crookedly.

"I got this for you, Evans."

Lily scowled at the presumptuous boy.

"That's quite alright," she said, snatching her books back her cheeks slightly pink.

James looked unfazed by her rejection, and turned toward Severus.

"Oi, Sniffilus! Didn't see you standing there, all creepy-like."

"Why don't you get lost!" Lily spat at James.

Yet again James didn't seem deterred. Severus took the opportunity when James tried to console Lily to send a hex his way, making him trip every time he tried to take a step.

Lily looked appalled for a moment, before a smile crept onto her face. "That was kind of brilliant," she admitted, pulling Severus further along away from James Potter.

It seemed that since that time, James had often found a way of popping up at the worst times with Severus and Lily. Severus was beginning to feel as though he would never escape the wretched Potter. So he did the only natural thing and began hanging out with his housemates more than Lily.

Even though she was muggle born, she wasn't like the other mudbloods his friends made fun of. Lily Evans was a brilliant witch, and Severus often defended her to his other Slytherin friends, even the older ones, like Malfoy. Severus was beginning to understand why the houses didn't often intermingle, but still held onto his friendship with Lily. It felt weak at times, ready to snap like a tree branch. It was their summers that kept them close. They continued to spend time together once school let out, and they were the best times Severus would ever spend. It was also a time he could escape the constant interruptions of James Potter.

Lily would lie closely to him, the two discussing how the coming year would be different and they would find ways to spend more time together. The 5th year they returned to school proved to be the hardest. James Potter began approaching Lily more often, leaving Severus little time with her. Though she fended off his attempts at dating her, Severus could feel he was losing her to him, and couldn't bare it. He knew the time was coming when he either revealed his feelings or let her go for good.

When Severus said the words, he didn't mean them, but Lily didn't know that. She assumed that he always meant what he said. And for a brief moment Severus felt anger towards the girl, because she forgave Potter for all the rude things he'd ever done to her, but she wouldn't forgive him for one mistake.

When he called her a mudblood, he didn't know what was worse—the look of true betrayal that crossed Lily's face, or the knowledge that he'd just said the most cruel words anyone could to the only person he ever truly loved.

The days that followed were torturous. Lily ignored him, and refused his attempts at apologizing. If only she gave him a chance to apologize he knew he could find a way to mend their friendship. Even if he could only have her as a friend, even if she dated the one he hated most, he couldn't imagine his life without her.

If he got his moment to apologize and Lily forgave him, Severus would do everything to bring their friendship back to what it was. And when the summer came, and James Potter was gone again, Severus would grow closer to Lily. The two would spend the days underneath the trees, wishing they could use their magic, but settling for the magic they felt near each other. They would whisper things of little to no importance in the fresh night air. He would say something to make her smile, and then follow up to make her laugh. And as her hair fell into her face, he would brush it out of the way, look deeply into her eyes, and tell her she was beautiful.

"Sev," she would say, and blush slightly, because she always blushed when someone complimented her.

He would work up what little courage he could muster, and then he would whisper, "I love you, Lily Evans."

She might say she didn't love him like that, or that he was only her friend. She might turn him away, but she might not. She could say, "You're my best friend," and then lean in to press her lips to his.

They would begin dating, and she would love him. It would be the happiest time of his life, and the only memory that would ever be worth keeping, aside from the others of her.

But then problems would arise, because he felt the need to pursue the dark arts, and follow a leader that she would never believe in. She would beg him to change his mind, but by their seventh year she would know that he was on a path that she couldn't follow. She would leave him, if not then, eventually. He could probably convince her to stay a little longer, maybe even marry him. But she would still leave him, and end up in the arms of James Potter. No matter what Severus did, they weren't fated to be together. That just wasn't the way their story was written.


End file.
